Thursday, February 18, 2010

Where Does My Help From?

I lift my eyes to the hills-
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of Heaven and earth.
Psalms 121:1,2
In the day of my trouble I call to you,
for you will answer me.
Psalms 86:7
Yesterday was perhaps the hardest day of my life.
The hospital was releasing Dwight, but he clearly wasn't ready to come home.
Nor was I ready to take care of him, altho my heart strongly disagreed.
I am his wife--I care for him. Period
Dwight was given a list of nursing homes offering respite care. A long list.
I did some online comparing on the medicare web site.
Dwight did alot of praying.
To accept that he needed to go to a home,
and to find the right one for him.
He was to be transferred at 5 PM.
When I was asked to leave his room so they could prepare him for travel
I felt myself losing it.
I wanted to cry. (eventually I did)
I wanted to anyone and everyone to pray, but God forbade me.
He reminded me to rest in Him. He is in control,
"yes, but can't someone else be praying too?"
God reminded me again He had it under control, just relax in His wisdom.
At that difficult acceptance my cell phone let me know
I had just received a text.
It was from a wonderful Christian sister who was praying--
at that minute.
Thank you Sharon for your obedience.
As we were leaving into rush hour traffic onto
some of the most congested roads
I felt the ok from God to call my Mom.
A short talk offered the reassurance that this was the best,
and then the tears as I confessed my feeling of failure
to care for my husband,
after all it is my job.
Arriving almost an hour after we left, we were given
an unbelievable warm welcome.
Had to check to see if Dwight was listed as
royalty somewhere on his paperwork.
I just don't have the time right now to tell you every
good thing that happen within the
first 30 minutes of being there.
One wonderful praise is that they promised, and had
delivered a larger bed for him--by bedtime.
I left shortly after eating part of his supper for him.
Someone brought him 3 more bowls of jello when they discovered
he liked it and would eat it after not eating for several days.
At home, I again had to deal with my emotions,
but realized the quiet house, comfy chair,
Bible and lala medicine would be good for me.
The lala medicine is to strong, when I take again I will
cut it in half or even quarters. I was
asleep by 7:30, woke to go to bed and got up at 6:30.
Then took an hour nap.


Kristen said...

I Love You Mom! I am so glad you are relaxing in the love of our Heavenly Father! He IS in control, and like you tell me (and just did on my FB this morning) we need to put our full trust and faith in Him for only HE can calm us and relax us and take away our worry. It is all for the best. Dad will get better, and then come home. We all look forward to him coming home. I Love You Mom! You need to know that!!! Be in Peace! It is why God is so faithful, to give us peace. We are all ready and waiting to be there when you need us!!! Love You!!!!!!

Jeff and Melissa Blair said...

Glad Dwight is getting excellent care, and that you are getting some much needed rest.

HennHouse said...

All the time...

Becky said...

Love you sis, I so wish I could come down and help you in anyway you need. I know that God's loving arms are all around you and Dwight. I don't understand all the things that have happened to our family in the past couple years, but I know that God IS totally in control and He sees the big picture, He wrote it and someday we will understand it all. Love you, I'm here whenever you need to talk. I am praying for God's will in all things.

jen said...

oh susie. my hugs and prayers surround you and papa D. while you may see it as failure, i can only see the complete opposite. that you are making sure your husband is being taken care of, is anything but failure. rather it shows the true love that you are both so blessed with. (((HUGS)))