Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Growing Old Together

I try not to allow myself to spend much time thinking about what has been lost to Dwight and I in the last nine and half years, especially the last two. We were settling in quite well to the empty nest and the new career of Pastoring when the injury placed him in the wheelchair. But we adjusted and were doing quite well, it even brought us to Columbus and the joy of seeing our Grandchildren often. It was easy at that point to not even consider the travel plans and other dreams that were gone.

We were still able to go out to eat occasionally. We took short sightseeing trips. Wish we had gone to the Zoo, Dwight would have enjoyed that so much.

Dwight was able to set up a very wheelchair handy wood shop. Several of the neighborhood men would stop in and visit, often most of his time in the shop was conversation time. All the men have told me how much they miss visiting my husband. Even the grouchy lady next door would visit. She was never grouchy with Dwight, even though he is a Steeler fan and she a Browns fan. (Poor Girl) And the grandchildren loved spending time with Papa in 'The Shop'. Isaac and Jackson had begun learning much from their grandfather. Each had their own tools and shop apron. The girls loved sweeping the sawdust around and couldn't wait until they could start 'hammering' with Papa. Those four still talk about Papa coming home and working in the Shop with them. Breaks my heart to know that at some point they will also be heartbroken.

As for growing old together, it maybe happening, but it isn't really. Last night was one those times when Dwight couldn't get his thoughts expressed as desired. He repeatedly told me how much he loves me, he had more to say but it wouldn't form into words for him. He did state many of the things he wishes we could do still....long walks in the country, snuggling on the sofa, sleeping in the same room and many others. I totally agree with him, there are days, times that it is hard to cope with. Your mind wants to scream, "It's not fair." And it's not by the world's standards, but we don't serve the world, we serve God and He has allowed this. We still have each other, our memories and our hope of healing in heaven. We can still hold hands and kiss good night. And talk to each other through out the day on the phone. It could be worse....


GodQuest said...

This entry touched me deeply. We all take so much for granted until we have lost it. I was thinking today, praying and journaling about the past. Some things are better than they were; some things are worse. Life and time and being together is so precious. "lord, help me find the Value in Today and live it like it's my last". We want to tell everyone we love, "we love you". We love you and Dwight. When you bring God into the equation (like you did) it helps to turn it all over to the One who is the Blessed Controller of all things.

Hollie said...

I know this must be extremely hard for both of you to go through. There is nothing I can say that will come close to comforting you but I know God can reach that part of your hurt and become the balm of Gilead. Only He can truly understand your feelings and minister to those needs. Take comfort in knowing that friends are praying for you and you both are often in our thoughts.

Terry Morris said...

I could not help but travel down memory lane myself, thinking of the great times of fellowship and prayer with you and Dwight. Have always cherished the times Dwight and I met for prayer in his office. I was indeed holy ground. I can hardly believe the time that has past since we last sat and shared a cup of coffee (and usually 2 or 3) and a sweet treat. Know that you two are loved and missed. You two remain in our prayers and we long for the time we will fellowship together in the presence of God. Please give my love and appreciation to D. We hope to make it Ohio next year and will contact you ahead of time. Much love and prayers.