Faith Walking

Many of us have heard the expression, 'the still small voice of God'. Too often we are too busy to realize that God is speaking.  Who knows how many times we have missed something in our life because we ignored, with our busyness, what God has been whispering to us.  Or, if we did hear it, we forged ahead with our own agenda without acknowledging what we heard--often because our human selfishness, thinking we know best.

Last Tuesday I became aware to the whispers of God.  I did what we often do, dismissed it.  It was illogical.  It was unworkable.  It wasn't what I want.  But God is God, and God in His love for me, continued to speak.  Raising the volume some.  I listened.  I presented my case.  Every argument, every but was meet with two words.  "Trust Me."

As I prayed, read the Word and listened, God reminded me of the many times He has blessed me, has held me, has carried me through circumstances.  And He asked, "If I have done it before, why wouldn't I do it again?  Trust Me.  See what I have planned for you."

So I am.  

In obedience to His command, I handed in my two week notice at work.  And I am trusting.  I am not letting myself worry.  He is in control.  

The peace and joy are wonderful.

He did not direct me to stop teaching at Jo Ann's, so I will still have a few classes a month.  I will work on reducing my stash of fabric, converting it into quilts and clothes for baby dolls and American Girl dolls. And bags, and purses.  I have a list of quilt designs I want to make so I am sure I will keep my machines humming. There are lots of things that need embroidered. 

And I am sure I will continue to find fabric I must have to make into.......

Do you hear what she hears?

From the beginning of our marriage Dwight's parents would call on our Birthday and sing Happy Birthday, we loved it.  We returned the joy to them on their birthday's.  We attempted to carry it on with our children and grandchildren, although with my special singing talent I stood as far from the phone as possible. 

Even after Dwight was in the nursing home we called and sang to everyone. 
This year all the children and grandchildren celebrated their birthdays after Dwight's entrance to gloryland.  

Each of the grandsons, in their own way, told me they missed Papa helping them celebrate.  Today is Aurora's 7th birthday, she doesn't like to talk about Papa being gone.  I asked her this morning if she would like me to sing Happy Birthday to her,  she said no, she could hear Papa from heaven singing to her.  

Speechless.....

Happy Birthday Dwight

Dwight's Birthday would be this Thursday.  But he doesn't celebrate earthly birthdays any longer.

Last year at this time Dwight was receiving numerous birthday cards each day.  They started coming about the 5th of the month.  He questioned why he was getting cards so early, and from so many.  I did my best to act as if I had no idea.  But as the day of his 60th birthday got closer and the daily influx of cards increased I had to confess--I had requested a card shower for him.  I had hoped for 60 cards, but he ended up receiving over 120 cards.  Even the grandchildren and children of friends got involved, making him wonderful homemade cards.  I have them in a fancy bag and will look them over on Thursday. 

We involved a couple of aids in the celebration and they worked with Dwight for a couple weeks to practice getting into his wheelchair so he could join us for a birthday dinner.   He thought he was surprising us.  The grandchildren were wonderfully surprised, oh the looks on their faces.  I think some where hoping we could load him up and take him home.  They never gave up on that dream.

I am so glad we did that for my wonderful husband.  Maybe more for us (me), than him.  We had a great day.  He loved KFC and cherry pie.  We had both.    All three kids were there, all the grandchildren. We sang, laughed and loved.  It was a great time.  We had birthday cake that we shared with anyone from Mill Run who wanted a piece.   He tired and returned to his bed in less than an hour.  That was the last time any of us saw him in his wheelchair, although those same two girls got him up a couple of other times to 'inspect' the new addition to Mill Run.

We will miss celebrating Papa's birthday this year.  Our terrific son-in-law, Tim, shares Dwight's birthday and who loved Dwight dearly is having a hard time as his birthday approaches.  We have decided to have a dinner celebrating Papa's love and influence on all of us.

Headstone

Being just over half way through my month off from work, I realize that I am not going to come even close to completing my list--like about 10 months off. 

Many of the days have been a complete wash.  I am not happy about that, but also seem to be powerless to correct it,  I am told by many who have been there and some still there, that this is a normal part of grief.  Don't like it. What it to stop, so far the energy to get out of it hasn't appear.  Is there an energy fairy?

Today I did get one major item taken care of.  The headstone.  I called the place that the Shirey/Elliott family usually uses.  I was not at all impressed with the phone conversation, hung up frustrated and felt like I had been spoken to in a condescending manner.  There were a couple of questions I asked that he should have been able to pull up on the computer, if he turned it on and used it.  He said he would call back, he never did.  Till this morning while I was driving, in response the message I left him, "I found someone else and will be using them."  Said he didn't understand it, oh, and he did find an answer to one of the questions I asked.  Too late.

I called the funeral home that normally handles all the Shirey funerals, the entire phone call was excellent.  All my questions were answered while on the phone.  And they do headstones.  I drove out today and met with John.  He patiently showed me several options, didn't try to talk me into or out of anything. 

I could go on and on, but I won't bore  you.  I will say that there will be a lighthouse, with the light beam on it.  Dwight loved lighthouses. He had good sized collection and we had visited several, including climbing up two of them.  The trademark, so to speak, of Ridge Road Church (that Dwight pastored) was a lighthouse with the light beam.  Our name, Shirey will be in the beam.  Can't thank God enough that when I asked if they ever did lighthouses that John went digging through several books (not the books he had first brought to the table) and found me a half dozen to pick from.  They are also able to put our wedding date on there, which is important to me.

I took my little dog with me so that she wouldn't have to be shut up in the kitchen all day.  She was very good, slept allot, including in the office.  She didn't enjoy the  stop, go, stop, creep, stop, creep, stop.....traffic coming home.  She came out of her crate, sat on my lap and pleased the people in the next lane.  Babies and puppies are such attention getters.

Couple more

Time Out

Really, time off.

Side bar first, as I sat to write this I decided to check on a couple blogs first.  Got to one and no further as I am sitting here with tears running down my face--I read my son, Sam's blog where he shared his day and his missing of Dwight.  There is a link to his blog on the right.

I have requested a month off from work to get many things done.  A list resides in my mind, I will get it (or them) on paper soon.  Number one is just time alone to process the last two years.  The kidney failure and the life in the nursing home, and lots of hospital stays.

I will finally get to Pennsylvania and order our headstone.  And, if I can find it, visit the Shirey Cemetery.  I sprinkle Dwight's ashes where he requested.  I will visit my family in Falconer, New York.  And lots more, maybe I won't get everything done.....

But I really need some time off---alone.  Maybe a few days at Lake Erie, one of OUR favorites.

Fireworks

Dwight and I have always enjoyed fireworks.  I think the only year we didn't attend was 1976. (I know, of all years!).  He had a weekend  full of concerts so Sam--11 months old, and I spent the weekend with my family in New York. 


But we never missed another year that I can recall.  The first year after he became wheelchair bound, we still went to the fireworks at Eastland Mall in Niles, Oh.  But after moving to Columbus we no longer 'went' to fireworks, but continued a tradition we had started somewhere along the line--we watched the fireworks from Boston, complete with the Boston Pops--one of our favorites.

I was hoping to get to fireworks this year, but I work July 3rd, when Columbus has Red White and Boom--a bit crowded for me. I have heard that Grove City has terrific fireworks at Beluah Park, more small town, my preference, but alas they were Saturday night.  Yeah, I worked.

I was lamenting my poor plight to the Mom of some my favorite teens at Church, hoping for some pity when low and behold I was invited on a date.
It seems this wonderful mother is going to be 'familess' on the 4th.  So she and I are going to attend the celebration together.  I won't mention her name or where we are going cuz we have decided we are going to hold hands and skip through the park together. 

Can't wait.

Times of Tears

To say it has been easy would be a lie.  There have been moments of tears, some I have forced down, some I have allowed.  The time and place of course play alot into it.  Today a friend shared the following song with me, and I allowed the tears, soft and gentle.  This song says it quite well, enjoy, have a tissue handy:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMhrA1Lr8I4&sns=fb